- Having served as a bridesmaid at over 125 weddings, I know the big day can be dramatic.
- Groomsmen, bridesmaids, and wedding party members should know how to say no.
- Talk to the couple if you’re having trouble getting dressed or can’t afford to buy something.
I have been appointed to hundreds of weddings over the past seven years as a professional bridesmaid.
Strangers ask me to go undercover and help argue and solve problems with other bridesmaids when necessary.
As a result, it has become a machine for answering a variety of questions at weddings, from how to say no to the person getting married to managing finances.
What if I wanted to say no to being a bridesmaid or the best man?
Before making the decision, write a list of reasons why you don’t want to take responsibility for being a part of the wedding.
Decide what reasons you want to share with the couple and be prepared to ask more questions.
You can also share alternative ways you would like to support her during the wedding adventure without taking the address.
Can I request changes if I do not like the dress or hairstyle I have chosen?
If you are going to pay for wedding clothes, hair or makeup – even if it is carefully put together by the person who is going to marry – I think you have a say in the decision and can ask for changes.
But if a couple is paying for everything, speak with caution.
If something makes you uncomfortable, share your reasons. But if you don’t like it, try going with the flow.
What if I don’t get along with the maid of honor?
The maid of honor and the best man are the leaders of the wedding party. They often break the news from the couple, make decisions about pre-wedding events, and set the chores for the rest of the party.
If you don’t get along with these people, find out why and have a chat with them to see how you can get to the same page (hint: you both want to support the couple).
If that doesn’t work, keep your distance, try to be respectful, and don’t let resentment stop you from doing what’s best for the couple.
May I say no if the couple had a disgraceful request?
As a member of the wedding party, you should never feel compelled to do what is required of you.
If you feel pressured to downsize or pay for expensive things, let the person you are getting married know where you are.
Be specific, concise and assertive, and try to get the feelings out – this is more likely to improve the flow of the conversation and bring about a faster resolution.
What if I can’t attend all the pre-wedding events (engagement party, wedding party, etc)?
After saying yes to the wedding, try to get on all the important dates ASAP and let the person know what events you can’t do and why.
Know that if they are unhappy with it, they may ask you to stop participating in the wedding. But they’ll probably understand if you’re being honest.
What do I do if I don’t get Plus-1 for my significant other?
There is no rule that couples must make additions to the members of their wedding party. The decision usually depends on the entire guest list, venue constraints, and budget.
If you are not told, you can bring anyone who is likely willful.
If you’ve been with someone for a while and really want them to come along, you can share that with the couple. But understand if they are unable to meet the demand.
How much should I spend on a wedding gift when attending the party is already costing me a fortune?
If you feel that the time and money you spend on the wedding is your gift, then this is more than enough.
However, if you want to give an additional gift, you should choose something from the register or opt for cash.
In the end, give what you can, even if it’s just a handwritten note. But you don’t want to send a gift bigger than you can afford.
What if I can’t afford to go to my bachelorette party?
If you can’t afford a trip or a night out to a bachelor party, tell the person who is getting married as soon as possible.
To pop in front of them anyway, think of an inexpensive way to celebrate with them before the big day.
Am I allowed to have fun at the wedding?
As a member of the wedding party, you are very busy on the wedding day.
After the ceremony, you may be asked to take pictures, solve pop-ups, or make sure everything is set up at the front desk. But once the party starts, you should be able to enjoy yourself like any other guest.
Be sure to visit the couple to see if there’s anything they need, but feel free to hit the dance floor and have a good time.
What if I need a roast when I’m bad at public speaking?
Make sure the speech is written and practiced long enough. The less rush you feel, the more confident you will be during the day.
Be brief and make yourself comfortable holding the paper or greeting card in your hand.
Know that this toast means a lot to the person who asked you, so talk slowly and get over it, even if you don’t like it.
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